Every morning as soon as I wake up he greets me with bacon and freshly brewed coffee. “Well, can I please see the registration of your car? The woman brandishes a finger at the first cop and says accusingly, “And I’ll bet that liar told you I was speeding too!! One Monday morning Morton woke up with a funny feeling that something important happened last night.Every lunch he comes over and cooks me a gourmet lunch, and every supper he brings me to his house for supper, he truly treats me like a queen.” “WELL! ” She says “I stole the car and I killed the driver; he’s in the trunk.” “Ma’am, DON’T MOVE, I’m calling for backup.” He mutters furiously into his walkie-talkie… “Of course, officer,” she smiles demurely and pulls out a license from her purse. ” After much nagging from his wife, Sam was visiting the audiologist. It was during breakfast, that Morton finally remembered what it was. But what she answered he just couldn’t seem to remember. “Hi Greta”, said Morton, “I have a funny question for you, do you remember last night when I proposed?Three old ladies are sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons. “He just had his 105th birthday and plays golf and goes swimming each day! ” So there was this female business executive who was late for a meeting.“My Freddie,” said Margaret, “Everyone should be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie. She is going 65 on a street where the speed limit is 40.A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up! The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny? " The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
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He explains the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden.
I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me.
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Funny Blonde Jokes: A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God!